


The One With The Doctor's Tan

by thegeekywhovian



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 15:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14499894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegeekywhovian/pseuds/thegeekywhovian
Summary: Remember the Friends episode 'The One With Ross' Tan?'Here's my version with Tentoo.





	The One With The Doctor's Tan

In all of the places he had travelled to over the years, the Doctor never expected to see himself in a tanning studio.

Rose had been the one to suggest the appointment. _"I don't want to go to Hawaii all pale. It'll look ghastly"_ she had said, to which the Doctor argued that the whole point of going on this trip was to _"Catch some rays, you'll tan there anyway"_. But Rose had been adamant, put her foot down, and also clearly suggested that he should make an appointment as well. _"Your white belly may look good in private, but you'll be on the beach soon"_ , she had grinned, her tongue poking through her teeth. The Doctor had huffed, proclaiming he didn't care, but he could never say no to Rose, especially when she fluttered her eyelids at him, whilst curled up to his body.

So the Doctor found himself waiting for his appointment, one rainy Saturday morning. Rose had already gone through the frosted glass door to the tanning showers, and he was just wishing he was anywhere but there, when his name was called.

"Doctor John Noble?" came a sweet voice somewhere near the receptionist desk. He looked up from the magazine he was flipping through (all celebrity gossip that was clearly out of date, besides a few of them were actually aliens). He looked up and saw a tall blonde, her skin clearly spray tanned, who was smiling sickly sweet at him. He caught her eye, nodded and lifted himself up from the plush chair he had been reclined in.

"Hello!" he said politely with a smile, as he stepped up to the woman. On closer inspection, she looked like she was about 18 years old. Girl, then, he decided.

"Hi!" She replied cheerfully. "My name is Kasey. I'll be taking you through the spray tan procedure today. If you would like to follow me, we'll get you started"

The Doctor followed Kasey through the frosted glass door Rose had gone through earlier, down a short hall, to a small changing area.

"If you would like to strip down fully, and put on the disposable underpants and goggles, that would be perfect" Kasey told him, with the sickly sweet smile. The Doctor paused, suddenly embarrassed.

"Strip down fully?" he squeaked, his hand finding his ear and tugging it automatically.

He could've sworn Kasey would've rolled her eyes if she wasn't working. Instead she smiled again.

"Yes please. And put on the disposable underwear and goggles" she repeated, opening a wooden door.

"You can leave your processions here. When you're done, press the button and I'll come and collect you" she informed him, before closing the door. The Doctor could've also sworn she let out a guffaw as she wandered away. He decided that it shouldn't let it worry him, that the fact Rose probably would've encountered another employee's (lack of) professionalism.

The Doctor placed his wallet and glasses on the wooden bench before untying his Converse, pulling them and his socks off. He then stripped off his jumper, shirt and jeans, leaving him bare just in his banana printed boxers Rose had gave him for Christmas. He suddenly felt self conscious of his body, how his once lean form had picked up a few kilos. He wanted nothing more to be at home, with Rose, where he was comfortable, not in a tanning salon, faced with a stranger possibly judging him, or worse, checking him out. He knew logically, that he would be half naked on a beach soon enough, but that was different. Right here and now, it was more intimate.

He looked wildly around for the disposable underpants, finding them and the goggles laying neatly on the bench. He picked up the garment, holding them up in-between his fingers for closer inspection.

"No. Just no.. there's really no imagination with these" he spluttered, holding the white paper pants up to his eyes.

Which were more like a thong.

He really wished Rose was there right then. He quickly pushed the thought aside, before Kasey could tell he had a hard on.

He groaned, closing his eyes as he pulled off his boxers and climbed into the thong. He quickly opened his eyes, adverting his eyes from the mirror. He sighed in relief when he saw a fluffy robe hanging from the back of the door. He really didn't want to walk out there near naked. After he pulled close the robe, he gave a whoop of delight when he saw the button.

"Oh, yes!" seeing it was red. He pressed it, and soon after, came a knock at the door.

'Are you ready sir?"

"Of course I am, I wouldn't have pressed the button otherwise" he dead panned. There was silence. Then came a bubbly giggle.

"Yes, very funny" Kasey said, pulling open the door. She ran her eyes down his body, and the Doctor stiffened under her gaze.

"I thought I would let you know that I'm married. Happily" he stated. Kasey backed off slightly.

"Of course. Sorry" she apologised. "Come with me, and we'll get you started"

The Doctor sniffed before following Kasey through another door, leading him to a tanning shower.

"What happens here?" he inquired.

"You get tanned" she grinned. He groaned.

"Yes, I know that. But what is the procedure?"

Kasey opened the door. "You step in, face towards the shower and press the button. After the jet stream stops, wait ten seconds and turn around. Your back will be done automatically"

He peered into the shower, inspecting the nozzle and button. He turned round to face Kasey.

"How many times?"

"You've asked for a medium tan. Should take a few goes each side" she replied with a smile, before leaving.

The Doctor sniffed again, dropping his robe, stepping into the shower, and putting on his goggles. He turned facing the nozzle, and pressed another red button. In a flash, he was hit with a spray of fresh tanning solution. He spluttered as it coated his body, and it stopped quickly as it started.

Remembering to count to ten, he mentally started counting. Reaching ten, he turned.

Nothing happened. Frustrated, he turned around to face the nozzle again.

Where he was hit with another blast of spray tan , coating his front again. He hissed as soon as it stopped, pressing the intercom button.

"Hello?" came Kasey's voice.

"Hi. Look. There's obviously a malfunction with your shower. I've been hit on the front-"

He was cut off when he was sprayed again on the front for a third time. Realising he had been cut off, he yelled into the intercom.

"I've been sprayed three times ON THE FRONT!!"

"I'm sorry sir" came Kasey's voice. "Maybe turn around and we'll give you an even tan on the back?" she suggested.

"Yeah" he muttered sarcastically back. He took the chance while the shower had stopped momentarily, and turned to get his back coated. Again. He realised.

He counted to ten again, and nothing happened. _Again_. He quickly turned, to tell Kasey off, starting to get angry, when he was sprayed in face. For the fourth time.

"I GIVE UP!!" he declared, stepping out of the shower. He pulled off the goggles and stepped back into his robe, waltzing into the waiting area, not caring he was dripping everywhere, to find Kasey sitting at the desk, picking at her bright pink manicure. She peered up, surprised when she realised he was hovering over the desk.

"Look" he growled, voice low. "I want to know why I keep getting sprayed on the front, when I followed your instructions. I want this sorted NOW!!" he yelled, causing Kasey to hop up, apologising profusely. He had to endure the embarrassment of her manually spraying him, clad only in his thong, hoping Rose didn't have to suffer the same embarrassment.

Later that afternoon, he had to put up with Jackie's and Rose's laughter at his excessively tanned body.

"Why didn't it work for me?" he moaned, admiring how perfect Rose's tan had came out. She shrugged, before kissing him soundly.

"I don't know love". She started giggling. The Doctor stared at her.

"You look like an Oompa- Loompa!" she admitted, bursting into laughter. The Doctor arched an eyebrow.

'Sorry" she apologised quickly, while Jackie continued to laugh at his expense.

The Doctor didn't take off his shirt once while he was in Hawaii.

The rest of his body already got enough attention where ever they went.

He vowed to never go back to a tanning studio. NEVER.

 

 


End file.
